i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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