i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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