I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
