We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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