Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
