the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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