i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
