I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
