i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
