Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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