I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
