it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm always down for nudity.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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