I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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