but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
