where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
