We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
