he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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