She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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