When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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