he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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