ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
