If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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