dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
