32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
