I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
