That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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