for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
