Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
