Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
soo... how was my night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
