ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
