i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
