I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Green mimosas i think yes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
