when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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