The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
