Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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