It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
