The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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