I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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