Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
