smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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