hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
