We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
