Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
