Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
