do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
