We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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