After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
