I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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