My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
