If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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