I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
