i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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