I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
