theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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