Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
