Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
