k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
