I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
