Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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