and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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