well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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