break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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