I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
