He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
