This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
