Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
