I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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