what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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