my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
