non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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