Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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