Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
