This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We are two peas in an std pod
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
