You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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