cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
