VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
