what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
