Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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