you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
