The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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