I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
