The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
