Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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