I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
this hospital has no fireball
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My ass is underappreciated
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
