3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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