oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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