HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
