Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
