I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
