i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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