We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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